.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
