She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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