I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize