I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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