Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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