mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
