ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
