I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize