shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
