don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
