I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
