tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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