I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
