He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
