What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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