I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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