You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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