He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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