I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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