I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize