I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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