i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
