I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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