I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
