we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
