peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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