The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
