is your mom at the bar?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
