Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
