we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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