im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
