I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize