So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
