she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
