i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
