I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize