On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize