it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
