D3 body, D1 cock
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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