I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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