She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
