This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
