Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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