How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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