We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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