Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
