I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
