I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
pray to the hookup gods
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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