they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
