Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
