Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
