Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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