My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
