That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
