There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
