and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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