If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize