he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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