Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
