I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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