he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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