omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize