wake up i wanna do it froggy style
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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