you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
