It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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