Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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