I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize