There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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