4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
