I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
