Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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