is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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