just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
