He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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