3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
