Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sarcasm needs its own font
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
