I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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